The Power of Presence

Neil Mufson, Head of School

 

I recently found some parenting wisdom in a place I didn’t expect.

 

First, a confession: During the pandemic lockdown, I became something of a Swiftie. Of course I had always heard of Taylor Swift and was vaguely familiar with some of her oeuvre due to heading a school that included middle grades. But last winter a review led me to the recently released video/concert of her just dropped album Folklore. In a beautiful isolated lakeside cabin during the lockdown, with two of her key collaborators, there was Taylor with little make up and no extravagant costumes. She purely sang more than a dozen acoustic-sounding folk-like numbers. Between songs, she and her companions talked about the music and its sources. Shortly thereafter she released a companion album, Evermore. I was hooked.

 

It ended up those two albums formed much of the soundtrack of my short-lived retirement during which time I was driving frequently between Portland, Maine, and Maryland. Taylor’s light-filled lovely voice, her poetic lyrics, and my visions of that bucolic cabin eased the way.

 

It wasn’t long before I became interested in Swift’s efforts to recapture the rights to her own catalog, and soon Fearless (Taylor’s Version) was released. Recently listening to the song The Best Day, I realized that Swift had something important to say to parents of children the age we serve at Primary Day. Here is how that song begins:

 

           I’m five years old, it’s getting cold, I’ve got my big coat on

           I hear your laugh and look up smiling at you, I run and run

           Past the pumpkin patch and the tractor rides, look now, the sky is gold

           I hug your legs and fall asleep on the way home

 

           I don’t know why all the trees change in the fall

           But I know you’re not scared of anything at all

           Don’t know if Snow White’s house is near or far away

           But I know I had the best day with you today.

 

What gets embedded in Swift’s memory are simple moments with her mother and how they make her feel. (In a later verse she presciently sings of having “an excellent father / Whose strength is making me stronger.”) It is not fancy things or extraordinary activities that stick. It is simple moments. It is the way her parents make her feel that matters and ground her.

 

When our children are small, we often wonder if we are providing them with the right experiences, the right training, the right activities, the right mixture of guidance and example, all at the right times. What Swift reminds us is that children benefit the most when we parents show up and simply are present. Those ensuing feelings infuse their beings. It is that foundation that no scheduled activities, lessons, or exotic experiences can replace.