Small Acts = Big Impact
September 22, 2022
Primary Thoughts
Neil Mufson, Head of School
It was a crisp New England fall morning. As I was walking down to my classroom in the Henry C. Sanborn School as a fifth grader, a teacher I barely knew called me over. “Neil, Mr. Mirasola told me that you need more challenging math, and I can’t wait until Monday when you join my class.” I remember feeling slightly flustered but then filled with a kind of glow. I told my parents of about it at dinner. My mom said, “You see, it didn’t take much on Mrs. Gritsavage’s part to make you happy. That was so kind of her.”
“People who perform a random act of kindness tend to underestimate how much the recipient will appreciate it… That miscalculation could hold many of us back from doing nice things for others more often.” Such were the findings in the August edition of the Journal of Experimental Psychology, according to “The Ripple Effect of Random Kindness” recently published in The New York Times. Researchers also found that potential kind deed doers often worry that “a gesture will be misinterpreted, or might make the recipient feel pressured to pay it back.” But Tara Cousineau, a psychologist and author writes, “When the kindness impulse arises, we totally overthink it.” In fact, the article points out “an act of kindness is unlikely to backfire, and in some instances can beget even more kindness.”
So what does this tell us about how we can help our children catch the kindness habit? First, it suggests that we as adults have to model performing small acts of kindness – letting a car go in front of you on a busy street; taking time to really “see” the checkout clerk in the supermarket line; sincerely thanking someone whose efforts and work often largely go unrecognized; emailing photos of the first weeks of school to grandparents. It doesn’t take much but mindful effort.
Simultaneously we can direct our children outward when we comment on some of the kind things we notice in our everyday lives. “That was really kind of that woman to let me take the parking spot both of us were headed for”; “That was so helpful of him to hold the door for us since we were carrying all those heavy packages.”; “It made me feel so good when that woman complimented the flowers I had picked out.” At the dinner table, have everyone take turns saying how they showed particular kindness to someone that day; have the kids make a card for an elderly neighbor; ask them who they might like to take some of the flowers to when you’re working in the garden. By pointing out what otherwise might go unsaid, we reinforce for our children what is important to us. It helps when we consciously counter what another recent study found: that 60% of surveyed teens reported their parents value achievement over kindness.
“No small act goes unnoticed,” says the mother of a 9 year-old daughter who was killed when a tree fell on their car during a storm. Despite those horrific, unthinkable circumstances, that mom set up “Keeping Kindness for Halle,” a great success both in memorializing her daughter and in spreading random acts of kindness. As the article ends, it points out that people do not have to learn new skills to practice kindness: “It’s about: What skills and talents do you already have? And how can you turn that into an offering for other people?”
An "Ice Age of the Heart"?
September 15, 2022
Primary Thoughts
Neil Mufson, Head of School
An “Ice Age of the Heart”?
Last week I mentioned that this summer the faculty read the book The Power of Kindness by Piero Ferrucci. In it, the author states that despite the discord, violence, tumult, and devastation that often pervade the news,
“The fabric of our life is actually made of care, solidarity, [and] mutual service.
These qualities are so embedded in our daily events that we may not even notice
them. Yet to receive kindness does us good… [But] something similar happens
on the other side of the equation: Giving kindness does us as much good as
receiving it… Kind people are healthier and live longer, are more popular and
productive, have greater success in business, and are happier than others.”
Since everyone’s experience suggests that humans are more likely to thrive in environments marked by kindness rather than conflict, our teachers this year will be paying even more mindful attention to ways we can model, emphasize, and expect kindness in our school community.
We also know that children learn best when home and school actively partner with one another. Hence I’d like to invite you to read Ferrucci’s book and to join a group of parents to discuss it in the library on November 15 from 8:30 - 9:15 a.m.
Kindness sounds so basic, yet as we rush about our lives, it can too easily not receive the emphasis it should receive. Ferrucci maintains that,
“We all are in the midst of a ‘global cooling.’ Human relations are becoming
colder. Communications are becoming more hurried and impersonal. Values
such as profit and efficiency are taking on greater importance at the expense
of human warmth and genuine presence. Family affections and friendships
suffer and are less lasting. Signs of this decline are everywhere, visible
especially when they touch us in the small catastrophes of life. You make
a phone call to talk to a person and you hear a digital voice presenting a
list of options… You wait for a letter from a friend and receive an email. The
farm you love is gone, and in its place stands a cement building. You notice
older people are not as well cared for and respected as they used to be.
Your doctor concentrates on the test results instead of listening to you and
looking at you. And rather than playing ball in the backyard, kids move in
the virtual world of video games… I am convinced that we are going through
an Ice Age of the heart… the causes of which are many: new living
conditions and forms of work, the establishing of new technologies,
the decline of the extended family, the great migrations in which
people are uprooted from their birthplace, the weakening of values,
the fragmentation and superficiality of the contemporary world, the
accelerating pace of life.”
And all that was before the pandemic.
Amidst our lives in a world of exponential change, I look forward to exploring with you and other PDS parents how we can stand against this tide and ensure that our children are in the forefront of a renaissance of kindness in an all too shrill world.
In My Beginning is Not Necessarily My End
June 2, 2022
In My Beginning is Not Necessarily My End
Neil Mufson, Head of School
Ever since discovering T.S. Eliot’s The Four Quartets while a comparative literature major in college, I have been intrigued by the lines in the poem East Coker that say, “In my beginning is my end… [and] in my end is my beginning.” While Eliot was ruminating on more metaphysical questions about human existence, as an educator, at this point I find these lines memorable because they are only marginally true for primary-aged children when one considers their progress in any given school year.
Think about how and where your children began the academic year. Now consider what they are like as they end it. Many have seen truly remarkable, meteoric growth in numerous areas. While in some ways their “beginnings” can be recognized in their “ends,” in most cases a school year has worked its magic and utterly transformed them.
Similarly, children will not necessarily begin next year where they end this one. The academic skills they have acquired will not be maintained over the summer without a conscious parental effort. While children certainly need a change of pace over the summer, they also need to continue to read, write, and do math. The school’s summer reading and math suggestions that will be coming home shortly are a good starting point, but parents also need to be alert to opportunities to inject this kind of practice (even if it’s unobtrusive) into their family’s regular routine. In that way, to quote Eliot, “The end is where we start from.”
It has been an absolute pleasure working with you and your precious children during this, my first year at Primary Day. I truly look forward to more growth in the years ahead. My best wishes to you and your family for a wonderful summer!
Raising Readers
May 12, 2022
Raising Readers
Neil Mufson, Head of School
In recently going through an old box of school materials, I came across a tongue-in-cheek “field note” in an old copy of The Hornbook, a journal about children’s books. Written by some friends and former colleagues, a husband and wife teaching team named Dean Schneider and Robin Smith, “Unlucky Arithmetic: Thirteen Ways to Raise a Non-Reader,” was a humorous outline of some of the things parents can do to discourage reading. Here are my favorites:
- Never read where your children can see you.
- Put a TV or computer in every room. Don’t neglect the bedrooms and kitchen.
- Correct your child every time she mispronounces a word.
- Schedule activities every day after school so your child will never be bored.
- Once your child can read independently, throw out the picture books. They’re for babies
- Don’t play board games together. Too dull.
- Give little rewards for reading. Stickers and plastic toys are nice. Money is even better.
- Under no circumstances read your child the same book over and over. She heard it once, she should remember it.
- Make sure your kids only read books that are “challenging.” Easy books are a complete waste of time. That goes double for comic books.
Dean and Robin point to some of what we need to provide for children if they are to become engaged, enthusiastic, life-long readers: models; some freedom from the clutter of screen and being over-scheduled; natural kinds of positive reinforcement; and the time and “space” to develop an intrinsic love of books and language.
The acquisition of strong reading, comprehension, and critical reasoning skills, and developing a love of reading are some of the cornerstone goals of a Primary Day education. It is a joy and challenge for young children to unlock the code of written language. Yet is also both a joy and a challenge to cultivate the right conditions for young children to become avid readers. Parents and teachers must work against ubiquitous societal forces. Reading takes patience, time, focus, imagination, and commitment. There is no more important academic skill. Strong reading habits influence countless other competencies, such as the development of competent writing and critical thinking abilities. Reading is, after all, the bedrock that makes so much of our human experience possible. And, fortunately, when properly nurtured, it’s deeply satisfying and fun.
Enhancing Two of the Central Pillars of Primary Day: Teaching & Learning
April 28, 2022
Enhancing Two of the Central Pillars of Primary Day: Teaching & Learning
Neil Mufson, Head of School
Neil Mufson, Head of School
As I have become familiar with Primary Day this year, gotten to know the faculty and students, seen the program in action, and reviewed past accreditation reports, I came to believe that two central areas of school life could significantly benefit from even greater, more detailed attention: the curriculum and faculty development. After all, along with the school’s culture, what is more important than teaching and learning?
While our program is wonderfully strong, over the course of the year I saw that we need to “create” the time to very thoroughly review and refine it. A school’s curriculum, while always rooted in its mission, is organic, ever-changing, and always aimed at improvement. An apt metaphor is that of a garden, which also needs careful planning, mindful nourishment, and on-going maintenance.
Similarly, our teachers are true masters, yet in a profession like ours whose essential goal is to enable lifelong learning, we need to make certain that the school itself reflects lifelong learning. As part of that, any school’s teachers should continually be able to learn from relevant research, reflect on their practice, refine their approach and materials, and engage in meaningful coaching and professional growth.
However, when I was realistic about all that our current faculty and staff have on their plates, I came to realize that no one, myself included, had the time to take a deep dive into teaching and learning in the focused way I outline above. Thus, in the winter and as I prepared this year’s budget, I worked with the Board of Trustees to make it possible to fund a new position for 2022-23: Director of Teaching and Learning.
As I searched for someone to assume this role at Primary Day, I was excited by the possibilities. While I will still be integrally involved with all of these important facets of the school, I looked for someone who loves the PK-2nd grade age-group and will
- get to know each child, family, and faculty member;
- lead curriculum review, refinement, development, and documentation;
- ensure that the curriculum has no gaps or overlaps, is well aligned within and between grades, and meets or exceeds the requirements of all the schools in which our students enroll in grade 3;
- further develop our capacity to differentiate teaching to best meet the needs of all students;
- promote meaningful and sustainable faculty growth, collaboration, mentoring, coaching, and evaluation;
- and work directly with students to support and enrich their learning.
While the job description became ambitious, I undertook a search that stretched as far as Brazil. As I conducted my preliminary interviews, I met one candidate who stood out from all the others. I invited her to campus to meet with our faculty and staff. As I got to know her better through several conversations and spoke to her references, I became convinced she offered the right experience and skills to take on this new role.
Thus, I am pleased to announce that Sammer Eghtesadi will join us this summer as our first Director of Teaching & Learning. Extremely personable and engaging, Sami comes to us from the Langley School, where she has served as the Lead Kindergarten Teacher and has undertaken many administrative tasks. She also was an assistant teacher at the McLean School and served for a number of years as the Head Counselor for Grades 1 & 2 in Holton Arms’ summer program. Sami earned her B.S. from Radford University and M.Ed in Curriculum and Instruction from Marymount University. I know you will enjoy meeting her in the new school year, and I thank you in advance for the welcome I know you will extend to her.
Policy on Teacher Requests
April 14, 2022
Policy on Teacher Requests
Neil Mufson, Head of School
You will find that each year at this time, as we plan the next academic year and head into our spring parent conferences, I will remind families of an important school policy. As we set about formulating class lists for 2022-23, I ask that you not make requests for specific teachers. I strongly believe that both sections at each grade level offer students a great experience. In either class, your child ends up in excellent hands. Similarly, siblings will not necessarily be placed with the same teacher with whom older siblings were placed.
Many factors go into the creation of our class lists. We seek to create a balance of personalities, talents, temperaments, abilities, and learning styles within each section. We place the overall needs of the group as our primary consideration. As educators, we also clearly weigh what we see as individual needs. However, since the creation of a class is a very delicate and considered enterprise, we must take into account many issues more complex than individual wishes or perceptions.
Therefore, during upcoming conferences or at other times, I ask that you avoid putting teachers in the awkward position of making specific requests, which we cannot guarantee. This is not to say that you cannot offer your input as to the kind of classroom in which you feel your child best achieves. In the end, though, I ask that you trust the teachers and me since we truly have the children's best interests in mind. As always thank you for your cooperation and understanding.
In Praise of Boredom
March 31, 2022
In Praise of Boredom
Neil Mufson, Head of School
I can’t remember the last time I was bored. It is one of the things I love about being a Head of School, a career which gives me enormous variety in the content and shape of my days, as well as in the ages and roles of people with whom I interact. Yet, after a delightful spring break that included time for what Italians call il dolce far niente (“the sweetness of doing nothing”), I found myself focused on the valuable role that unstructured time – and, yes, even boredom – has in the lives of children (and adults). My musings led me to search for insight in an article I had read several years back that was entitled “In Praise of Boredom” by the novelist Claire Messud. I found it in a Harper’s magazine issue devoted to a topic always of interest to me: “How to Be a Parent.”
I had started reading Messud in 2007 with the publication of her novel The Emperor’s Children, about three fictional Brown alumni making their way in New York City. I thought I’d capture some glimpses of a common college experience. Not so, but I found Messud’s work compelling because of her clear but lyrical prose and her mostly likable — but interestingly flawed — characters, people who appear to possess only advantages yet struggle with creating satisfying lives. Messud’s characters have difficulty figuring out what to do with their freedom. In small ways they have difficulty tolerating free time, boredom, or just going with the flow. In bigger ways they can’t discern their talents or a direction for their lives.
In her article Messed noted that we are a society that “worships purposefulness” but “we waste resources galore.” She believes that we find direction by having practice figuring out smaller open-ended situations. Thus she urges parents to provide “leeway for idiosyncrasy” and “patience for indirection” with their children because “having no truly empty time, [kids] are unfamiliar with the unexpected and exhilarating flowers that can grow there.” She argues that children need swaths of time “to embark on an endeavor that has no clear aim” so they experience true discovery, develop greater self-reliance, and discern alternative solutions. Psychologists and educators have pointed out the same thing: that when children are too programmed, when their time is always scheduled, when their activities are almost always structured by adults — when they don’t have to figure anything out — they become far less resilient, creative, determined, or assured thinkers.
Messud summed it up this way: “I want my children to embrace doing nothing, to embrace the slowing of an afternoon to a near standstill, when all you can hear is the laborious ticking of the clock and the dog snoring on the sofa, the rain’s patter at the window, the occasional swoosh of a slowly passing car… They’d have to stop, to be still, and then to wait, and wait, and wait, allowing time to fatten around them, like a dewdrop on the tip of a leaf. And then, only then, who knows what they might imagine or invent?”
Whatever your children’s spring break held -- free time, free play, time with family and friends, or travel -- returning to the routine of school, reminds me of the importance of providing some lack of routine, some open and unstructured time. It may be challenging in many ways to provide it, but creating opportunities for “time to fatten around [them]” nourishes their growing independence, ingenuity, patience, and self-direction.
“Keeping Imagination Alive”
March 3, 2022
“Keeping Imagination Alive”
Neil Mufson, Head of School
One of the hidden advantages of a school that serves only 4 to 8 year-olds is that within our walls, children’s imaginations are completely free and can be fully engaged. Even our oldest students can get engrossed in imaginative play. Beako and magic powder are natural extensions of our children’s imaginative worlds. Using one’s imagination is natural and fun, and allows kids to be kids for longer, especially without the presence of older children who can become more bound by “rational” thought.
In addition to emphasizing core academic subjects like math, reading, and writing, Primary Day makes sure students have ample opportunity to stretch not just emerging critical thinking skills but also imaginative and creative thinking. In Writers’ Workshop, we don’t worry too much about facts, even when we are learning about non-fiction. Our literature class in our beautiful library expands children’s horizons and imaginations, just as our Readers’ Workshop program does. STEM involves doing, problem solving, exploring, evaluating, and creating. Art and music introduce fundamental principles of these creative disciplines but let the children’s imagination and creativity make the concepts their own. Our playgrounds are blank canvases for the bountiful use of imagination.
A few years ago, I heard a speaker who said that if you ask a roomful of four year-olds to raise their hands if they are an artist, virtually every hand goes up. By the time children get to fourth grade, only about half see themselves as artists, and by seventh grade, it’s only a few. By keeping that creative confidence up and by regularly exercising imaginations, Primary Day expands children’s capacity to see themselves as creators and finders of unique solutions.
In a November opinion piece in The New York Times entitled, “The Awesome Importance of Imagination,” David Brooks pointed out that while Plato saw imagination as “an airy-fairy god,” Aristotle saw imagination as one of the foundations of all knowledge. Brooks remarked, “One tragedy of our day is that our culture hasn’t fully realized how much Aristotle is correct. Our society isn’t good at cultivating the faculty we may need the most.”
Brooks also quoted Darwin as writing imagination “unites former images and ideas, independently of the will, and thus creates brilliant and novel results.” Imagination allows us to generate alternate solutions and possibilities; envision others’ experiences; assess different perspectives; dream up new things; and shape the path of our own learning. These are but a few of the reasons Primary Day believes in giving the imagination lots of exercise and space.
The Impact of Kindness
February 17, 2022
The Impact of Kindness
Neil Mufson, Head of School
As I was riding to school this week, I heard a report on NPR commenting on this week’s designation as National Random Acts of Kindness Week. The brief piece highlighted a national initiative championed by a non-profit organization called Random Acts of Kindness. Believing that “kindness is the key to a better world,“ the group tries to “unlock the power and potential of humanity’s greatest asset: kindness.” While the website hosts thousands of ideas, the overall key is to engage in small, random kindnesses as frequently as possible – acts that don’t require organization, detail, or planning, just intention and action. Smiling at strangers, letting someone into traffic, buying someone a cup of coffee, thanking someone, telling someone what their help means to you, letting someone go ahead of you in line at the grocery store, expressing appreciation to those who help us who often go unseen… the possibilities are endless.
Science consistently finds that by taking these kinds of actions, we don’t just do nice things for others, even though that is a significant benefit. We also make ourselves happier, calmer, less stressed, more productive, friendlier, and more approachable. People who engage in random kind acts feel better about themselves – and the humanity of others. The radio essay cited a challenge the mayor of Anaheim, California, issued to his city, which was taken up by the local high school: together, let’s engage in 1,000,000 random acts of kindness. By the next month, cases of bullying in the school had gone down by 50%.
The pandemic has changed just about everything. But kindness has retained – and perhaps multiplied – its impact. What a wonderful legacy to pass on to, and try to inculcate within, our children during these challenging times.
The Advantages of Learning To Be On Time
February 3, 2022
The Advantages of Learning To Be On Time
Neil Mufson, Head of School
As winter churns onward, I have noticed more and more students arriving late to school. Children are supposed to be in their classrooms no later than 8:25 each day. However, you can give your child a significant advantage if you arrive at least 15 minutes before that time. The corollary is also true: by being late more than very occasionally, you place your child at a significant disadvantage.
By arriving well before the 8:25 bell, children have time to settle into the day in a balanced, focused, and relaxed manner. They have a better chance of remaining organized throughout the day since they don’t have to rush to unpack their things, gather needed materials, and begin their routines. They also have time to socialize with their peers; read books; do some drawing or writing; play imaginatively or with our stashes of child-directed resources; or get some extra attention from their teacher. In short, by consistently arriving on time, our young friends can begin their days more positively. They can engage in their class’s pre-Morning Meeting routine in an unstressed, unrushed, more centered way.
Being on time also teaches your child to respect not just time commitments but also others. Tardiness inevitably disrupts the class and the routines of those here on time. Punctuality, on the other hand, is one of the fundamental building blocks we seek to instill in our children because it is considerate and often leads to more effective time management, collaboration, and the strongest possible achievement.
Some of the most effective strategies to improve punctuality include getting to bed on time the night before; packing the backpack with all needed materials before bedtime and leaving it right in front of the door; leaving shoes in the same spot every night; laying out the next day’s clothes as part of your child’s bedtime routine; and even packing after dinner those lunch and snack items that can be put together early.
Of course we all have mornings when things just go wrong and we get behind schedule. That’s part of being human and even benefits young children by helping them develop resilience, flexibility, and patience. But by arriving on time or even early, our children have a better chance of being as strong as they can be.
Report Cards and Comments
January 27, 2022
Report Cards & Comments
Neil Mufson, Head of School
At the end of this week we will post report cards and comments for the first half of the school year. These reports include a summary of the skills and topics your child’s class has covered to date, a personal narrative, and a curriculum-based “checklist” assessing your child’s progress to date. The teachers have put hours of thoughtful effort into producing these assessments, reflecting their close work with, affection for, and attention to, your child. The reports are meant to further your working relationship with our teachers, to describe Primary Day’s program, and to share how your child is performing on a daily basis. If you would like to ask questions or discuss any of the matters the reports cover, please email your child’s teacher to set a mutually convenient time. I, of course, am also available to discuss any topic about your child’s progress that you would like to raise.
This year’s “checklists” use the following descriptors: NAD (Notably Advanced); AGL (At Grade Level); PGL (Progressing Toward Grade Level); and PAC (Possible Area of Concern). It is important to remember that these categories do not translate into traditional A, B, C, D, F grades of yore. They are simply summary descriptors relative to PDS (not national) grade level expectations. As you know, PDS expectations are considerably above general national, or even local, standards.
We all clearly want our children to succeed at their highest level, yet all our students have areas for growth, just like children and adults everywhere. Because Primary Day students are still very young and are very much in the process of forming the foundation of a lifetime of learning, most of our students will be described by a variety of descriptors. This is especially true since the descriptors will describe everything from social behavior and emerging work habits to academic and skill work.
Primary Day students are at the beginning of their educational journeys. They are already far ahead of just about any peer group. Still, they are very much “students in progress.” The teachers and I stand dedicated to nurturing their growth so that they can create and open any door of future opportunity.
The upcoming reports are just one way we communicate with you. Please remember that you are always welcome to check in with your child’s teacher or me if you have a concern or question. Also, please never let a concern “fester.” We’d always rather hear any concern in a timely way so that we can best address it.
The Igloo and the Walking Stick
January 7, 2022
|
A Holiday Remembrance
December 15, 2021
A Holiday Remembrance
Neil Mufson, Head of School
I believe that one of the reasons I became Head of a school that serves elementary school-aged children is the vividness of memories I hold from those years. Brad Bell is one kid I still remember and think about, particularly at this time of year. Small and rail thin, Brad had a permanently raspy voice. He always seemed to squint at the world, and he always seemed to be more disheveled than the rest of us. If a teacher wasn’t looking, he would hit you hard in the arm as he walked past.
Brad’s differences didn’t end there. He lived tucked next to the new interstate that transformed our small town into a suburb of Boston. When the highway’s new cloverleaf entrance was excavated, Brad's house became cut off from any others, and his yard became increasingly overgrown before they moved.
Besides for giving us arm slugs, Brad rarely mixed with the rest of us. He wasn’t a part of our recess games, and I can’t remember even seeing him outside at our school. Yet, I often saw him all over town riding a barebones bike with a scraggly hound beside him. We kids knew that Brad’s dad had died when he was little and that his family struggled, something pretty much unheard of amongst the student body at Henry B. Sanborn School.
During those years one of the ways my parents kept my sense of privilege in check was by keeping our holiday gifts modest. My sister and I usually got one special toy (Mr. Kelly’s Carwash was my favorite). Then it was all practicalities: new boots, socks, and, to our groans, underwear. We also were expected to do regular purges of outgrown clothes and toys, and several times a year my father and I would load up our station wagon with our former treasures and head to the “sharing shed” at the town dump. There you could leave items in decent shape that you no longer wanted, and you could take items you thought you could use. It was there that I had found two pairs of old suede boxing gloves that, besides for missing laces and their dampness, were virtually pristine. The day I triumphantly brought the gloves home, my father started teaching me to box. I imagined boxing might prove useful if Brad Bell ever acted up.
One cold Saturday morning weeks after I had discovered the gloves, my father and I brought some large bags of used clothing to the sharing shed. Mr. Miller, our school’s custodian, had a weekend job overseeing and sorting the items brought in to share. Those he deemed worthy would be set out, almost lovingly, on some shelves inside the shed; others were put into huge burlap sacks through which one was welcome to rummage. Before our dump run that day, I remember weighing if I should surrender a favorite flannel shirt that had a rip in one elbow. “I’ll sew it up and then toss it in,” said my mother. “The sleeves are getting too short for you anyway. Someone else will treasure it, like you have. Just like you’ve loved those boxing gloves.” I reluctantly surrendered my shirt.
Shortly after our winter break, I noticed Brad Bell wearing a shirt just like the one I had given away. I remember at first being flustered but then saw the telltale repair. I wondered if Brad had found it himself in the sharing shed. Even though I felt new emboldened by my boxing moves, I knew not to ask him about it.
. At dinner that night I shared my confusion. As I was running through whether or not the shirt had been mine and how it would have come to Brad, my father stopped me. “Might be your shirt. Might not. You did the right thing in not mentioning it. Let him have his dignity. Imagine if that were your Christmas gift.”
I think of Brad Bell and that shirt most years as the late fall and early winter holidays of light approach. I think of my mother sewing the ripped sleeve and of my father telling me to put myself in Brad’s shoes. I think of Brad’s scrawny dog, his rickety bike, and mostly his family’s plight. I think of his characteristic squint and his preemptive arm punches. And I think how grateful I am for the lessons he unwittingly taught me.
I hope that your winter break is full of hope and light and the making of long-lasting memories.
Modeling Gratitude Beyond the Thanksgiving Table
November 18, 2021
Modeling Gratitude Beyond the Thanksgiving Table
Neil Mufson, Head of School
Neil Mufson, Head of School
As a kid, it was in the back seat of our family’s mint green Buick station wagon where I learned my most memorable lessons having to do with gratitude, not at the Thanksgiving table. My grandparents, whom we visited often, lived in a declining neighborhood in the Bronx. As we would wind our way to their home through even worse neighborhoods, my parents would direct comments to the backseat where my sister and I sat. They would contrast what we were seeing with the idyllic, leafy Boston suburb where we lived. Their narrative was not subtle. “Imagine living here, across from burnt out buildings… Think about having no space, no place to play and run around… We’re lucky that our air always smells good… No woods here to run into to find quiet and a place to build a fort… Grandma barely feels safe going outside anymore.”
Nina and I never responded to these observations, yet our eyes often got big as we saw things so far removed from our own experiences. We knew our parents’ intent because it mirrored a constant refrain: be grateful for our good fortune; we might not have everything but we have the love of each other and lead a life of plenty; always be thankful for your situation in life; focus on the good; we’re lucky.
As children of the Depression, my parents saw the world through lenses of gratitude. My father lied about his age to enlist early in World War II and saw service in rural India, China, and Burma. He regularly showed us photos he had taken of conditions in the villages near where he had been stationed. While my imagination was most captured by the pictures of his unit’s pet monkey Moe, it was another way my parents replayed their chorus of recognizing our good fortune.
A few years ago, I had the opportunity to hear psychologist and writer Brené Brown before she was on the bestseller list. I most remember her saying this: “The difference between privilege and entitlement is gratitude.” While Brown’s research as a psychologist generally involves the potentially transformative power of opening oneself up to vulnerability, her words transported me to the backseat of the Buick with my sister. My parents wanted to ensure that we did not develop an attitude of entitlement. We knew we were privileged, which also meant we possessed significant responsibilities towards others.
The approach of Thanksgiving reminds me of the importance of instilling an “attitude of gratitude” in our children. The world moves ever more quickly and has significantly changed through the pandemic in ways we don’t yet understand. Whether because of the busy-ness of our lives or the dangers of COVID, it is harder and harder to connect in authentic, fulfilling, and nourishing ways. The constant lure and distraction of consumption can cloud what is most important. Yet by regularly considering and savoring the blessings in our lives, and by turning at least some of that gratitude outward, we can help our children find deeper meaning, happiness, and calm. My best to you and your family for a memorable and joyful Thanksgiving.
Being Little Matters
November 10, 2021
Being Little Matters
Neil Mufson, Head of School
Neil Mufson, Head of School
In my last piece, I wrote about the child perspective Taylor Swift takes on in her song “The Best Day” and how her lyrical memories suggest that what matters most to young children are simple activities, togetherness, and parental presence. Just after publishing that piece, I came across an interview with Erika Christakis, former faculty member at the Yale Child Study Center, and author of the bestselling book, The Importance of Being Little: What Young Children Really Need from Grownups. Christakis believes, “the notion that there is something of value in being a little kid – with little kid desires and, above all, needs – seems to have fallen out of favor… Parents express enormous anxiety about their children’s futures, and seem to be curating their children’s life experiences in a way that would look quite unnatural and even rather joyless to previous generations.”
Christakis maintains that our society currently is also undergoing an “adultification” pandemic , or the failure to see the world from a child’s perspective. “It’s eye-opening to reflect on the many ways that adults inflict adult pacing, adult expectations, and adult schedules on young kids. And for what reason? Young children sleep less and have far more transitions in their days than in previous generations – and most would agree that developing brains aren’t really designed to cope with adult schedules and pacing.”
What Christakis sees as some of the most effective counterpoints to adultification are parents mindfully questioning their unconscious practices and schools recognizing that “quality education is about relationships” and intentionality. “Caring teachers who understand child development and who know and are attuned to the children in their care” are amongst the most important markers of educational quality, as are classrooms in which “rich, open-ended conversation is critical” and where “children experience warm, empathic oral language – to converse playfully, to tell a rambling story -- listen to high-quality literature… ask meaningful questions… and take advantage of children’s natural curiosity.”
The ideal educational environment Christakis describes sounds a lot like Primary Day to me. Here our entire enterprise is focused on meeting the needs of young children. We are developmental experts, our teachers are masters at building meaningful relationships with our students, and children are immersed in a language- and math-rich environment that fosters curiosity, nurtures development, and promotes taking on “just right” challenges.
In my short time here I have quickly grown to admire the discerning nature of our parents. Primary Day does not focus on flash or sizzle or cavernous spaces. We focus on substance. We are intimate, personal, academic, and extremely nurturing. The high expectations we hold for our children make sense for our learners. Our teachers and program listen to what our children tell us. If I had to sum it up, I’d say we understand “the importance of being little.”
The Power of Presence
October 28, 2021
The Power of Presence
Neil Mufson, Head of School
I recently found some parenting wisdom in a place I didn’t expect.
First, a confession: During the pandemic lockdown, I became something of a Swiftie. Of course I had always heard of Taylor Swift and was vaguely familiar with some of her oeuvre due to heading a school that included middle grades. But last winter a review led me to the recently released video/concert of her just dropped album Folklore. In a beautiful isolated lakeside cabin during the lockdown, with two of her key collaborators, there was Taylor with little make up and no extravagant costumes. She purely sang more than a dozen acoustic-sounding folk-like numbers. Between songs, she and her companions talked about the music and its sources. Shortly thereafter she released a companion album, Evermore. I was hooked.
It ended up those two albums formed much of the soundtrack of my short-lived retirement during which time I was driving frequently between Portland, Maine, and Maryland. Taylor’s light-filled lovely voice, her poetic lyrics, and my visions of that bucolic cabin eased the way.
It wasn’t long before I became interested in Swift’s efforts to recapture the rights to her own catalog, and soon Fearless (Taylor’s Version) was released. Recently listening to the song The Best Day, I realized that Swift had something important to say to parents of children the age we serve at Primary Day. Here is how that song begins:
I’m five years old, it’s getting cold, I’ve got my big coat on
I hear your laugh and look up smiling at you, I run and run
Past the pumpkin patch and the tractor rides, look now, the sky is gold
I hug your legs and fall asleep on the way home
I don’t know why all the trees change in the fall
But I know you’re not scared of anything at all
Don’t know if Snow White’s house is near or far away
But I know I had the best day with you today.
What gets embedded in Swift’s memory are simple moments with her mother and how they make her feel. (In a later verse she presciently sings of having “an excellent father / Whose strength is making me stronger.”) It is not fancy things or extraordinary activities that stick. It is simple moments. It is the way her parents make her feel that matters and ground her.
When our children are small, we often wonder if we are providing them with the right experiences, the right training, the right activities, the right mixture of guidance and example, all at the right times. What Swift reminds us is that children benefit the most when we parents show up and simply are present. Those ensuing feelings infuse their beings. It is that foundation that no scheduled activities, lessons, or exotic experiences can replace.
The Critical Nature of Early Learning
October 14, 2021
The Critical Nature of Early Learning
Neil Mufson, Head of School
Over the years ahead, you will frequently find me alluding to some of the brain research most salient to the ages we serve at Primary Day. I closely follow many sources that make these studies accessible for educators. One such publication is Edutopia, a project of film maker George Lucas’ educational foundation, whose mission is to help transform education “so that all students can acquire and effectively apply the knowledge, attitudes, and skills necessary to thrive in their studies, careers, and adult lives.”
For obvious reasons a recent article entitled “Why Ages 2-7 Matter So Much for Brain Development” caught my eye. In it the writer Rishi Sriram reviewed what most of us already know: that there are “critical periods” in children’s brain development, that the first typically occurs between the ages of 2 and 7 or so, and that during this period “the number of connections (synapses) between brain cells (neurons) doubles.” The astounding thing is that this increase in “synapses enable the brain to learn faster than at any other time of life” (emphasis mine).
While there have been countless fads that have attempted to harness this explosion of learning potential, it is often difficult to sift out the truly helpful and developmentally appropriate from the fluff and potentially harmful. The Edutopia article cited these critical guidelines:
“Encourage a love of learning” – Rather than focusing on performance and results focus on the process of learning. Help your children become comfortable making mistakes and then regrouping, which are fundamental parts of learning. Cultivating this kind of attitude helps children become resilient in other areas of life as well.
Help children develop what psychologist Carol Dweck calls a “growth mindset” – “the belief that talents and abilities are developed through effort instead of being innately fixed,” that persistence leads to the best results. Sriram notes that adults should “avoid labeling children or making universal statements about their ability, [like] ‘You are so smart!” (As an aside, I will soon be announcing a PDS parent book group that will read and discuss Dweck’s seminal work.)
Focus on the joy that can comes from trying new activities and experiences. These are not the ages to become overly specialized. Breadth rather than depth is best during this developmental period. “Exposing children to a wide variety of activities lays a foundation for developing skills in a range of fields… The people who thrive in our rapidly changing world are those who first learn how to draw from multiple fields and think creatively.”
· Build emotional intelligence by emphasizing kindness, empathy, and cooperation.
· “Don’t treat young children’s education as merely a precursor to ‘real’ learning.”
Everything we do at Primary Day is directed towards these goals. Your child benefits every day from our unique and deep focus on the needs of early childhood learners. While Primary Day has been in existence since 1944, our mission is as relevant today as it was then: The finest education for the most important years.
Back to School Night Remarks - 9.23.21
September 30, 2021
Parent Night Remarks – 9.23.21
Neil Mufson, Head of School
Thanks so much for Zooming in tonight to gain a deeper sense of where and with whom your children spend such a significant piece of their day and to hear about the program, key goals, and procedures you’ll want to know so they will be ensured a great year.
I feel confident that you’ll come away from the evening feeling that your children are in exceptional hands, and that you’ve made the right investment to ensure that they have the benefit of the best possible education and foundation for these most important years.
I also hope, as a result of tonight, that you’ll be more likely to reach out to your child’s teacher when you have a concern or question, because that open communication, that engagement as parents in the educational process has consistently been found in the research to boost a child’s performance in school.
Tonight I wanted to share some thoughts with you on two topics. First, some of what I have noticed in my first weeks at PDS; and second, some small things I have found over the years that can have an outsized impact on the kind of student and person your child becomes.
But before I launch into that, I wanted to express my gratitude to you, most importantly for entrusting your children to us here at Primary Day. I take that trust as a sacred commitment we have to your child and to your family.
I also so appreciate all of your cooperation, understanding, and patience during these
extraordinarily challenging times. We are absolutely devoted to doing our best to ensure your child’s safety and that of our faculty and staff. Even when a vaccine is available for our children, we will remain vigilant, cautious, nimble, and prepared for the next twists and turns that the pandemic will bring. So thank you for all you are doing to comply with our protocols and for realizing that our children’s and our staff’s safety depends on all those little mindful decisions and observations you make along the way.
Thank you, too, for your patience as we work out our drop off and pick up procedures which are also based first on safety. Our fine-tuning of the afternoon pick up line has led to some real improvements, and we will soon be rolling out an app that will help further smooth things out in the morning.
As the faculty, staff, and I have welcomed your children Back to School, I have been struck by several things. First has been the absolute dedication and expertise of our faculty and staff. I see their deep developmental commitment at work every day. They lend amazing warmth and “kid knowledge” to their classrooms and routines, and their way with our students is so masterful that joy and purposefulness radiate from every learning space. Our teachers are real experts at the ages they teach, so be sure to make use of that expertise when you have questions or concerns about something your child is or is not doing. They know what’s normal, what works, what doesn’t work, what’s age appropriate, and they can offer a wealth of information, guidance, and reassurance.
I have also noticed that PDS children are exceptionally engaged, attuned, and eager. Their curiosity and energy seem boundless, and that kind of attitude toward school and learning is both infectious and palpable throughout the school. There’s an ebullient and happy hum that permeates this place, an underlying eagerness and motivation on the part of the children that prompts all to exercise their curiosity and to stretch themselves.
Community and kindness are also evident here. I have been so impressed by the care and respect your children show for one another.
Part of what makes Primary Day unique is that your child is part of a peer group that is uniformly attuned to the value of education, to doing their best, and to giving their all. I see and sense that every day. Of course as children get older, their peer group exerts an even stronger influence on them. But I very clearly see that PDS creates and capture this enormously positive side of peer influence that helps establish the right attitudes towards school.
When your children are surrounded by other children who have active and eager minds, when they’re happily engaged in a classroom where their teacher is a developmental, instructional, and child relationship expert who knows them so well, and when they come from homes which clearly prioritize education, they are bound to soar. That is what I see happening each day, even this early in the year.
I also would like to mention some seemingly small and perhaps obvious practices that you can put in place at home to enhance your child’s growing independence, sense of responsibility, and positive approach to learning and to life. I’d like to focus tonight on 3 simple things that eventually pay very powerful returns.
First, make sure you increasingly allow your children to do things on their own. Whether it’s cleaning up their toys after playing (like they do here), putting toothpaste on their toothbrush, or gathering their things to be ready to hop out of the car at morning drop off, consider giving them regular responsibilities or simple chores around the house. For instance, have them take on straightening their bed in the morning, helping with choosing or packing their lunch, making sure that their backpack is properly loaded and in the right place so it can just be grabbed in the morning, or sharing or reading stories with younger siblings. Take a look at how your household works, and find some authentic tasks they can regularly undertake that are truly helpful and that they can do consistently. Gradually add steps or complexity to these tasks as time goes on.
Of course it often is easier and more efficient to just do these things yourself, but look for what your children might be able to do more independently or how they can help. Model what you expect
and then let them do it consistently. Then build from these smaller pieces to more complete tasks. Young children like having responsibility, they are proud of showing you what they are capable of,
and it builds their independence, feelings of mastery, and sense of agency, which is their sense that they can influence their environment.
Obviously, developmental appropriateness is the key. You wouldn’t ask a PK child to load the dishwasher after dinner every evening. But you might ask him or her to do the basic setting of the table (at least of non-breakable or non-sharp things), or you might ask them to put their dirty clothes in the hamper, or to place their shoes in the right place so they can be found easily the next day.
A book written over a decade ago by Los Angeles psychologist Wendy Mogel called The Blessing of a Skinned Knee has emerged as a classic on making sure we are leading our children to become responsible, resilient, and independent. Mogel points out that if we don’t require our children to do things for themselves, if we don’t hold them accountable, if we don’t ask them to help out with reasonable, age-appropriate chores at home, we inadvertently risk disabling them for the future.
Similarly she points out if we consistently make things too easy for our children, if we regularly pamper, indulge, or overprotect them, if we too quickly jump in to “rescue” them, or assign blame elsewhere, their development into healthy, independent young people will become compromised. As she wrote, too many parents of our demographic, “in their eagerness to do right by their children, overindulge them materially, spoil them emotionally, [and] inadvertently inhibit their development of responsibility.” So we have to find those small steps when they are young, when they are at the ages of Primary Day students.
Another small but a very powerful routine – one that admittedly may be difficult to ensure is in place -- is to have dinner together as a family as many times a week as you possibly can. Not too long ago, I heard a podcast from Harvard’s Graduate School of Education that interviewed a family therapist named Anne Fishel, who directs an entity called The Family Dinner Project. We all know that there are tons of reasons families don’t or can’t have dinner together. But the salubrious impacts of regularly having family dinners are nothing less than astounding. Fishel reported, “There have been more than 20 years of dozens of studies that document that family dinners are great for the body, physical health, the brain, academic performance, and mental health.” In addition to the nutritional benefits, “Kids who grow up having family dinners, later, when they're on their own, tend to eat more healthily and to have lower rates of obesity.” And then she goes on to say this: “The mental health benefits are just incredible. Regular family dinners are associated with lower rates of [childhood and adolescent] depression, anxiety, substance abuse, eating disorders, tobacco use, early teenage pregnancy, and higher rates of resilience” and feelings of self worth. All this just by making sure your family eats together regularly.
There are other simple, regular practices that also have huge pays off that I recommend and that I’ll talk about in the months and years ahead, things like developing a habit of regularly expressing gratitude; establishing an organized and consistent approach to doing homework; being on time; building intrinsic rather than extrinsic motivation whenever possible; having a discipline system at home that is based on natural consequences, much like the one we have in place here at school; modeling and expecting empathy; and being certain to provide your child with predictable, consistent, age-appropriate routines.
One last seemingly small thing that leads to outsized benefits that I want to mention tonight is something you are probably already doing but that you should aim to continue for many years into the future: having a regular reading or story time with your child or whole family. This is relatively easy to put in place as part of a regular bed time routine, but it is something you should hold onto even when your child is an independent and sophisticated reader, maybe in the form of a family reading time.
The national statistics are damning. Studies find that 33% of American high school graduates never read another whole book the rest of their lives; 42% of American college graduates never read another book; and 80% of American families do not read, borrow, or purchase a book in a typical year.
When I was a kid, just about every night my father would tell me a bedtime story. For me, he created a fictional universe around Cubby Bear, a character I think he remembered from childhood bedtime stories and books. For my sister he created another character named Longnose Hufflefinger (which are evidently a type of tropical fish) but in this version was a person. For his granddaughters he created stories about a character named Pocket. Every night my father wasn’t traveling for work, I was told the latest adventure of Cubby Bear and his best friend Montmorency Percival Clarence Gopher, who when introduced was always met with the line, “My word, your name is longer than you are.”
The stories were simple and I believe were improvised. I am sure my father had no idea of the numerous and powerful benefits of these stories.Yes, they bonded us.Yes, they made me and my sister feel special, valued, and loved. And yes, it was a considerable investment of my father’s time. But now research shows that listening to stories or regular reading improves brain connectivity; increases vocabulary, comprehension, and memory; empowers the ability to empathize with other people; aids in sleep readiness; reduces stress; lowers blood pressure and heart rate; fights depression symptoms throughout life; and eventually prevents cognitive decline. All that from the reading habit!
Think about the impact of pairing that with the power of family dinners and giving your children meaningful responsibilities around home. In these times when there is so much uncertainty, it is reassuring as parents to know that inserting some simple practices into our routines can allow us to seize some control over some very important outcomes. Confidence and competence are indeed built through small steps, steps that have been modeled and practiced.
I am very much looking forward to meeting you in person at one of our upcoming parent coffees, but I would also welcome having an outdoor visit or a Zoom chat. Be sure to contact me if there ever is anything with which I can help you. In the meantime, know that I am looking forward to meeting you somewhere other than in the drop off or pick up line.Thank you again for joining us this evening.
The Role of Responsive Classroom at Primary Day
September 23, 2021
The Role of Responsive Classroom at Primary Day
Neil Mufson, Head of School
You probably know that Primary Day uses the research-based Responsive Classroom approach as the backbone of all we do at school. You may wonder, though, what Responsive Classroom is and why we use it as the foundation undergirding all the learning that goes on at PDS.
In a nutshell, Responsive Classroom pulls together from numerous research studies those practices that create the most successful, positive classroom and school culture. These practices build structure and predictability for our young learners, and this leads to positive learning attitudes and habits as well as the strongest student experience and achievement.
Responsive Classroom asks teachers to very mindfully construct a supportive, nurturing, and developmentally appropriate classroom environment in which all routines and activities are carefully modeled, implemented, and reinforced. Everything from morning meeting to recess, from group work to closing circle is intentionally facilitated in order to build a collaborative classroom in which our young learners develop confidence, competence, kindness, and voice. Students become reflective learners who gravitate to “just right” learning -- that which builds on skills and knowledge they have developed and challenges them to reach for the next level.
Responsive Classroom theory guides teachers in the creation of inviting, engaging, but not overly cluttered classrooms. Teachers use language that is also mindful, positive, calm, and warm. They break the day up into developmentally appropriate periods of time and activity that alternate between energizing and calming. A positive social and emotional climate is also modeled, reinforced, and fostered. There is a great emphasis on effort, practice, stretching, and growth. A positive, natural, and consistent discipline environment relies on modeling and age-appropriate natural consequences.
In the past few months, as I have visited the schools to which Primary Day sends its students, I have uniformly heard about how well prepared our children are for their next school experiences. Other schools frequently remark that they can “tell a PDS student” from their attitude towards learning and others, as well as their level of achievement and community-mindedness. This notable success is attributable to many factors, but chief amongst them are the exceptional talent and dedication of our faculty, the consistency with which they implement developmentally attuned practices such as those of Responsive Classroom, and the extraordinary partnership between home and school that is a hallmark of the Primary Day experience.
New Beginnings
September 9, 2021
Primary Thoughts
New Beginnings
Neil Mufson, Head of School
I often wonder if I were destined to be in schools for so much of my life because I carry such strong memories of my own early schooling. I can still picture walking into the classroom on my own first day of Kindergarten. Mrs. Beaulieu was at the door to greet us and seamlessly separate us from our parents. She then directed us to play on the huge locomotive and train cars that occupied half of our very large room and that she had fashioned out of very large boxes and construction paper. Soon we were playing, forming nascent friendships, and taking the first steps towards independence from our parents. It was an exhilarating new beginning, at least for most of us.
In schools we are so fortunate to have abundant new beginnings. There is the start of the new school year, the start of the new calendar year, and the start of Spring with its resplendent signs of new life. Summer also brings its own start of consolidating gains, adjusting to a less structured routine, and making the most of plentiful opportunities for fun, fresh air, and new activities, places, and people.
With young learners especially, actually every day brings the promise of a new journey. This is part of what I love about working with these ages. There are constantly new connections, new learning, new questions, new discoveries, and new skills introduced and mastered. One factor that drew me to PDS for my own new beginning is the way the school embraces all the possibility and joy of this stage of life while remaining grounded by the deepest expertise in what our young learners most need.
Your children’s days at Primary Day this school year, like the 76 prior years at PDS, will nourish their bounding intellects, their expanding sense of what it means to be a community member, and their growing practice of what it means to be a lifelong, fully engaged learner. Their days will be full, their minds engaged, their joyful spirits nurtured. Of course academics will be important, but where we will also excel will be in partnering with you to help develop good people.
I often think of that seemingly larger-than-life cardboard train of my own first day of “real” school and the journey that was ahead. At PDS we are beginning, supporting, and boosting your children’s lifetime voyage of schooling, with all its promise, all its excitement, and all its beginnings. The faculty, staff, and I are here to guide your children and you with all the twists and turns ahead. Please be sure to call on us when you have a question, concern, or idea. We will do the same. In the meantime, know that I am so grateful that you and your family are “all aboard.”