Neil Mufson
Even though Primary Day’s children are only between the ages of 4 and 8, my eye was drawn this summer to a Washington Post article entitled, “Adults Undervalue Teen Friendships.” While the piece pointed to guidelines for helping parents support their teen’s friendships, the article actually pointed towards “the PDS years” in promoting strong friendships, emotional stability, and satisfying, healthy connections to others.
The writer of the article, Amy Laber-Warren, posited that close, positive peer relationships are as potent a force in adolescents’ lives as bad influences can be. In order to foster healthy decision-making and development, teens need at least one close friendship — to confide in, bounce things off of, and to be encouraged and held in check by. But the piece points out that parents often under value these kinds of connections in favor of what adults believe “augur success: doing well in school, helping around the house, participating in sports or community service… [Parents} tend to under-appreciate… the value of close teen friendships… Children who develop supportive, trusting relationships with others their age are more likely to become healthy, happy, and successful adults.”
Some of the factors that can support teens in developing these kinds of relationships are equally important for Primary Day students. Consistent modeling of how to be a good friend and regularly talking about how to behave when presented with common friendship dilemmas are key ways parents can help children form good friendships themselves. Also, calmly talking through how to problem solve when inevitable peer conflicts develop is excellent practice for when run-of-the-mill quarrels arise. Laber-Warren also suggests welcoming children into your home as a way of fostering good friendships, and focusing on quality rather than quantity of friendships. Researchers have found that having a best friend or being popular do not correlate to future satisfying relationships, but having at least one or two good friends does.
Strong friendships are part of what makes life optimally satisfying. Researchers have found that proactively helping children with the “slings and arrows” as well as joys of friendships now leads to greater “academic success, better mental health, more rewarding romantic relationships, and even better physical health” throughout life.