Primary Thoughts
Neil Mufson, Head of School
What is the most memorable way that someone has ever showed you they cared about you? Think about it for a minute. That was one of the questions raised during a talk presented at the Elementary School Heads Association annual meeting I attended in DC on Friday and Saturday.
One of the conference participants shared that it was when her 25 year-old daughter gave her an unexpected gift: a simple but beautiful box that contained 75 pieces of paper, each sheet explaining one of the reasons the daughter loved her mother. Her daughter said she should randomly pick a sheet any time she was feeling down. The mom decided to read a sheet not just then but whenever the spirit moved her. The mom always found her mood elevated by reading her daughter’s observations, which was elevated even more by her thinking about her daughter’s fundamental gratitude, thoughtfulness, and love. The daughter, for her part, periodically sent additional sheets to be added to the box.
What a gift! I imagine it actually did as much for the daughter as the mother. As the daughter wrote sheet after sheet, she no doubt recognized her good fortune and the cocoon of love that sustained her, nurtured her, and encouraged her.
Researchers in the field of positive psychology have consistently found that those who regularly take time to express gratitude, our Primary Day Value for November, report that they are happier and more satisfied with life, enjoy stronger relationships, are more successful in life and career, and are healthier than those who do not express gratitude on a consistent basis. Also, such feelings of gratitude are unrelated to material abundance. It is instead related to those who are happy with, and grateful for, what they have.
This remarkable example of the mother and daughter exemplifies one of the reasons gratitude is a value we seek to inculcate in our children. It enriches the life of the gratitude receiver and the gratitude giver. It just takes getting into the habit of seeing the good fortune that surrounds us, and then turning that outward by expressing gratitude in some way through some kind of overt statement, act, practice, or even journal entry. This month of Thanksgiving underscores the importance of teaching this kind of behavior to our children, not just for November but for throughout life.