Primary Thoughts

Neil Mufson, Head of School

 

While mulling over the state of the world as 2023 closed and 2024 dawned, I thought about how disconnected people have become from one another and how cooperation, our Primary Day value for January, can only be fostered once people connect on some level. Ongoing global conflicts; ongoing political division; ongoing racial, ethnic, and religious divisions; accelerating interpersonal distance brought on by impersonal technology; the list goes on. It all reminded me of a talk I heard a few years ago by Dr. Ned Hallowell, a nationally known child psychiatrist who writes and lectures primarily on two topics: learning disabilities and what he calls “connectedness.” So I dug up my notes.

 

According to Hallowell, cooperation has to do with one’s ability to interact positively and collaboratively with others. As such, it is the basis for much of what humans achieve. Connectedness similarly has to do with “the feeling of being a part of something larger than oneself.” Hallowell delineates several arenas that offer opportunities for connectedness – family, friends, work, the past, activities we enjoy, and nature to name just a few. He maintains that people can only be psychologically healthy if they form meaningful connections within many of these domains. And then he cited this: one of the key findings of the National Longitudinal Study of Adolescent Mental Health is that there were only two factors that could be consistently identified as predicting which adolescents were likely to stay out of serious trouble (defined as prone to violent behavior, significant emotional distress, alcohol or drug abuse, pregnancy, or academic failure). These factors had to do with the degree to which the child reported feeling meaningfully connected at home and meaningfully connected at school. No other objective data – socioeconomic status, family constellation, parents’ education level, geography, type of neighborhood, etc. – yielded such a correlation. 

 

Hallowell went on to outline that childhood connectedness stands at the root of adult happiness, as do four other factors he said the research has isolated: optimism, positive self regard, a feeling of control over one’s environment, and a tendency towards extroversion. 

 

As we foster opportunities for our children to learn to work cooperatively with one another, and as we provide them with both unstructured and structured chances to interact, we are indeed helping them develop important competencies. For in helping children learn to connect to others, we are laying the groundwork for much of what truly matters in life.