Primary Thoughts
Neil Mufson, Head of School
As I have thought over time about the many divisions that exist in our country, I have come to believe there is something we parents and educators must and can do for the sake of our children and the future of our world: a better job of teaching empathy to our children. The reprehensible and dispiriting expressions of hatred, inhumanity, disharmony, racism, violence, and utter incivility that we frequently witness have strengthened my belief about the need to find a starting point. After all, Martin Luther King, Jr. warned us that “Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about the things that matter.”
Empathy, our Primary Day value for May, can help to repair our society’s badly broken spine and spirit, one person at a time. In the book Unselfie: Why Empathetic Kids Succeed in Our All-About-Me World, Michele Borba makes the point that empathy can and has to be taught and modeled. By teaching children to be able to tune in to and recognize feelings; by focusing more on character and less on external achievement; by helping children understand others’ perspectives; and by fostering the development of a moral imagination that can conceive of alternatives, we can lay the foundation for more fulfilling, more ethical, healthier individual lives and greater community, even societal, cohesion. By practicing self-regulation, kindness, and collaboration, children learn to behave in ways that promote empathy.
Borba’s book is at once theoretical and very practical. While she makes the case that “stretching your kids’ caring and ‘helping’ muscles must be ongoing,” she provides very concrete steps parents and teachers can take “to help our children become good, caring people, [which] also gives them a huge edge at happiness and success.” This resonates with some of the earliest lessons we seek to instill at Primary Day: Beako’s Golden Rule. It also complements Primary Day’s goal of partnering with parents to raise good people who are ready to create future opportunities in a humane, meaningful, and community-oriented way.